Outside the Press Box :: Dr. David Davis

    Have you noticed that when commercials are trying to sell you something these days, they start quoting statistics? It's as though numerical data has suddenly become irrefutable evidence that you need to buy a particular product.
    If you don't heed statistical wisdom, you will suffer from ingrown toenails, endure the heartache of psoriasis and be rejected by your mother for having bad breath.
    One recent commercial was emphatic about using their product, but then gave you the side effects if you do. I have always been careful to listen to those other things that could happen to you if you choose a particular product.
    For instance, you use a product to help your arthritis, but the side effects include diarrhea, headache, earache, sore feet, dizzy spells, ringing in the ears, and itching. It might be worth it to just deal with the arthritis.
    The other day, I read that a 10-year, $3 million government survey revealed that three-fourths of the people in America make up 75 percent of the population. Duh!
    Of course, you know that when 81 percent of people use the word "government" and "statistics" in the same sentence, they are seeking to prove a point.
    That same government survey, in fact, said that 51 percent of the people are in the majority. I even read the other day that 87.333 of all statistics are improperly done.
    People have become so caught up in statistics that there is a book entitled Statistical Abstract of the United States 2006: The National Data Book that you can purchase for $39, including free shipping.
    Here are some statistics about being an American:
    * Your chance of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1
    * Your chance of experiencing an IRS audit: 175 to 1
    * Your chance of catching a baseball at a Major League game: 563 to 1
    * Your chance of picking a four-leaf clover on the first try: 10,000 to 1
    * Your chance of becoming a professional athlete: 22,000 to 1
    * Your chance of being hit by lightning: 576,000 to 1 (A friend of mine was hit by lightning, an act that simultaneously melted his zipper and made him a local hero)
    * Chances of your son dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1
    Did you know that only 7 percent of women trust their husband to do the laundry correctly?
    Half the people (50 percent) who attend a movie sneak in snacks to avoid concession stand prices.
    Twenty-two percent of people leave a glob of toothpaste in the bottom of the sink after brushing their teeth. This includes those who spray water all over the sink and the mirror when they spit out the toothpaste making a deplorable mess.
    Three out of four keep your money in rigid denominational order.
    Ninety percent use an alarm clock to get up in the morning.
    Sixteen percent have forgotten your anniversary at one time or another.
    By the way - 50 percent of you will go checkout the bathroom sink for the glob of toothpaste.
    E-mail: drdd@swbell.net